Spicy Pringles in Peru.
Nike shoes in Timbuktu.
Rome, Kigali, Bamako Mali—
Fritos, Cheetos, Lays for you.

Tollhouse cookies? Shop Brunei.
Lulu Lemon sale, Mumbai.
Soccer sponsor Betty Crocker
in Delhi, Riga, Kathmandu

Choices, choices,
Here’s to winning!
iPhone 80,
The crowd is thinning.
Hark, the golden arches spinning.
Look at what we’ve made for you.

Smile now, you’ve got it all.
Gatorade and shopping malls.
Looking chic in Mozambique
in your red Armani three piece suit.

What’s the matter, where’s the rub?
You’re invited, so join the club.
Haiti, Ghana, Ljubliana
They all get the same as you.

Never mind that verdant valley.
Native strains, who’s keeping tally?
Suva, Juba, Cancer Alley,
Sources of our revenue.

So celebrate the sybaritic.
Sheer abundance your paralytic
Chips Ahoy for the hoi polloi!
Now shut your fucking mouth
and chew.