ice

“I’d like a whiskey, please.”

– “Sure thing – on the rocks?”

“Normally yes, but you know what? Let’s mix it up; what other kinds of ice do you have?”

– “Oh we have all sorts of ice, sir. What suits your fancy?”

“Let’s see… do you have standard cubed?”

– “We wouldn’t be a very good bar if we didn’t have standard cubed! That’s our base style”

“Of course, of course… alright, what about shaved ice?”

– “We make a very fine shaved ice, sir.”

“Good man! Hmm, cylindrical?”

– “Yep, got that.”

“Great – and how about that half-moon style you get from the refrigerator?”

– “Indeed we do, just like home.”

“Hot dog! Well done. Now, what about ice that’s been tried in a federal court of law?”

– “Ah, a little difficult to come by these days, but we are working on that variety.”

“I see; how about ice that’s gone through effective conflict de-escalation training?”

– “You know, you’d think we’d have that, but the machine making that style just isn’t on the market.”

“Oof, that’s unfortunate. Ok, well, what about ice that’s ready to be boarded onto a one-way rocket to Mars?”

– “That’s one of our aspirational varieties; currently unavailable. Here, take a look at this.”

“Why, that’s just a glass of regular water.”

– “Ah but this is water that was hugged as a child, and thus never prompted to become ice.”

“Fascinating. Geez, so many choices I can’t possibly decide. I think…I think I’ll just go with no ice? Is that…possible?”

– “That, my friend, is the best choice of all.”